.Saturday, March 28, 2009@9:10 AM.
I suddenly felt this big heap of depressing feeling. It's like throwing me down into a bottomless pit. I still remember how you scolded me for going soccer with them, nagging about me injuring myself always and banning me for the next soccer session. A big reality slap for me when i got home, look at my phone and it's just like what i left it to be. No more nagging, no more scolding and no more of you calling me. I always wish it was just a dream, not even a dream, a frightening nightmare. Just wake myself out of it and there you are waiting for me. I know it's very ignorant for me to say this but this is what I'm feeling now.
It's really devouring me up, I'm like crying writing this. The worst thing is the reason for the break up are You don't see a future in me and we aren't on equal status now. I tried so hard and finally got this 8-5 vocation is seriously for you, so that i can to spend more time with you. I don't know how to let you see a future in me you know. Maybe I'm really a failure that's the message you got from the three years together. I will improve myself, I'm learning driving already. I want to go traveling and explore the world but it's like who to go with? who to drive with? I'm going very slow because i don't see the point in getting all this. I know you're facing hardship now and i really want to help you. I don't mind people calling me stupid or clown when i do things for you. I put my heart into yours already and I again am trying to take it back but it's clinging very hard onto yours.
Melissa once told me I'm very self centered that reason made me down for three years. Even now, when people said I'm self centered, i will reflect on what i did and maybe get what they mean. Maybe I'm not worthy of you. I don't know how to react to things now you know. I only know when i go anywhere, i will think of time we are there and enjoying each other company. I'm like pointless now man, no direction to head, no aim to complete.
Today, i had a lot of laughter with our guys and that made me doubt that happiness too. Are we going to be like that 2 years down the road? Remembering last time, we walk in a large group and laughing loudly like we own the street. This number have been reducing rapidly, each of us having our own life to live. Msn chat we can get like 10-15 people in the chat, not a problem, talking cock, scolding each other and the next day when we see each other, we will still continue the topic we talk and laughing like there's no tomorrow. Now, even 5 people is very hard to gather. Shittified right? This word Shittified is taught by you too! Oh my... Guess I'm a guy that can't move on in life! Last time Last time, that's what i only know how to say. Fuck man.
Remembering about the past....shall post some picture...enjoy... This few pictures have no hidden meaning, it's really for pulling back those beautiful yet sour memories....
This few scenes will never surface again...never...